I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
