cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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