If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
