I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
