My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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