he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i dont even know how to be here
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
