that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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