I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
