Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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