Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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