how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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