How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
