what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
