dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
