so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
