i just wanna soil my oats bro
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
