It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so let's talk penis.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
