You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
