Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
