Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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