You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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