I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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