If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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