I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
