You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
