i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
