She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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