he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
