oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Randomize
