you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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