they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
