I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
