You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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