What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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