The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize