The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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