Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
