i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We are all done wearing pants today
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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