Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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