the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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