Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
