now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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