Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
