Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
