i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
