Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
