Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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