when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
