My girlfriend figured out who you are.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
there is puke in my bra ... again
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
