haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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