Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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