We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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