you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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