I've blown a few things in my day
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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