I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
