Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
