i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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