"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize