So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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