I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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