She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
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i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
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It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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