Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
