Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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