You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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