mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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