just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
