The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
