Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
