I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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