I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
