yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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