escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
