i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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