Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
