need another drink. this is the easiest way
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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