So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
