oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize
