I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
