Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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