Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
wat bout pragnant strippers??
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
