I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
