I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
