my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
