Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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