We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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