You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize