I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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