he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
