i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
