allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
